


Off Omens

by Idontknow0301



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Beelzebub as Crowley, Gabriel as Aziraphale, Garden of Eden, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Other, reverse au, the first meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 13:44:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20621996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idontknow0301/pseuds/Idontknow0301
Summary: God accidentally mixes up some of Her creation's roles.





	Off Omens

Gabriel’s gaze switched between Adam and Eve walking away from Eden and the building storm clouds in the distance and back again, both sights giving him an odd sense of anxiety that he hadn’t felt before. He was scared that the new species would even survive outside of Eden, and scared that this new thing called rain might be a bad thing. He had been informed that it was just water falling from the sky, but how much water was it going to be? What if it drowned the humans before they even really had a chance to live?

The Guardian of the Eastern Gate’s thoughts were interrupted by an irritating buzzing sound coming from a small insect flying around his head. He swatted it away with his hand and tried to continue his train of thought when the tiny thing screeched, “Hey!” in a voice that was  _ way _ too loud for something of its size. Gabriel jumped and turned his head to gawk at the bug.

The fly landed on the wall next to the angel, and within seconds it grew and changed into something that very much not an insect. There beside him was a short demon, with messy dark hair and oddly bright blue eyes. And lots of freckles. There was probably more freckled skin than normal pale skin on the demon’s face.

They glared at him and said, “No need to hit me. Just a ‘ztop that’ would have zufficed.”

Gabriel, suddenly very tense now that a demon was standing next to him, turns back to the humans without saying anything. What would he have said if he was allowed to speak to a demon anyway?

They turn to Adam and Eve as well, “You know, this all zeems like a bit of an overreaction if you azk me.”

Gabriel stares at them warily from the corner of his eye and mutters, “Well, I _didn’t_ ask you, er…”

“Beelzebub.”

“Beelzebub.”

They both stand there silently for a moment, then Beelzebub scrunches their eyebrows together and asks, “Hey, how did they get a flaming zword? I thought only you angelz were allowed to have thoze.”

Gabriel seemed to somehow tense up even more, “Er…”

Before he can come up with a clever excuse, Beelzebub turns and looks him up and down, “Zpeaking of, I remember  _ you _ having a flaming zword. Where did that go?”

“Uh…”

It only takes a moment for the demon to connect the dots, “Wait, did you  _ give _ it to them?!”

Gabriel cracks, “Fine! Yes, I did, okay?! But I had a reason. A very good,  _ angelic _ reason.”

“And that iz?”

“W-well…” he avoids eye contact with the demon at all cost, “It’s incredibly dangerous out there! And they are _completely_ _unarmed!_ It _is_ my job as an angel to love and care for all living things! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“I didn’t zay you did. No need to get all defenzive. Zounds more like  _ you _ believe you did zomething wrong,” they say in a matter-of-fact kind of way. 

He huffs and keeps his eyes on the humans. They were right and Gabriel knew this. That didn’t make him hate it any less though.

Another moment passes, and finally Beelzebub teases, “Calm down. You’re an angel, I don’t think you  _ can _ do the wrong thing.”

Gabriel doesn’t hear the sarcasm in their voice, “Oh. Well, thank you. Really, it was bothering me more than I was letting on.”

The demon rolls their eyes and mutters with their voice dripping with sarcasm,  _ “Oh, really? I couldn’t even tell…” _

“Well of course you couldn’t,” Gabriel says with a smirk, “I am a master at acting calm in stressful situations. Plus, demons aren’t the smartest of-  _ ow!” _

Gabriel hopped around on one foot while the demon flashed him an evil smirk, “What were you saying?”

“You’re reaction to criticism is to stomp on the critic’s foot as hard as you can?!” he screeched, hopping awfully close to the edge of the wall.

“You weren’t criticizing, you were being racizt,” they reply simply.

_ “Oh, you are so dead _ , _ ” _ he says threateningly as he finally put his foot back down on the wall.

Except there wasn’t any wall there.

Just open air.

He waves his arms around frantically in a sad attempt to regain his balance, which could have worked if he had thought to use his wings instead. However, he didn’t, and so he tipped off the side of the wall, and before he could open his wings to save himself, he fell into a bush with prickly thorns all over it. 

He had managed to fall into the first and only rose bush in existence. 

He yelped and struggled to untangle himself from the vines, which turned out to be a much more difficult task then the angel had previously thought possible. Eventually though, he managed to claw his way out and roll onto the grass, where he lied for a moment to look up at the sky, which was starting to become grey with storm clouds. Above him on the wall he could hear the demon practically dying with laughter.

“Did you really juzt-juzt fall off the f-fucking wall?!” They yelled at him in between snorts and giggles,  _ “How did you even do that?! You’re a bloody angel! You can fly!” _

Gabriel decides not to even dignify that with a response. Or even a look. He just stared up at the sky and tried to ignore the growing heat in his face. ‘This is the most embarrassing moment that any living creature has ever seen,’ thought Gabriel. Which, considering how young the Earth was, was probably true.

He realized that he also hurt. A lot. He could feel all the tiny thorns pressing into his skin all over his body and into his wings. His wings had the most stuck in them, he could tell. And wings were already one of the most sensitive parts of an angel, so they  _ hurt. _

So he decided he would just lie there for all eternity, so that wouldn’t accidentally push the thorns deeper into his skin. 

The giggling from above finally died down, and then there was a whoosh as he heard them take flight. He sighed and shut his eyes for a moment, thinking the demon had simply taken off to find something else to do with their time. What he hadn’t expected was to see Beelzebub looming over him when he finally did open his eyes.

He jumped, then groaned because jumping hurt. The demon let out another, smaller giggle and said, “Calm down. I can help.”

Gabriel took a moment to process the words, then muttered, “And why would you do that?”

Beelzebub smirked, “Because it will be very painful for you. Now zit up and let me pull the thornz out.”

At first Gabriel just glared at them and refused to move, but after a bit of this he realized the demon wouldn’t leave until he complied. So, with a groan, he sat up and let the demon start pulling thorns from his wings. As expected, the demon wasn’t gentle. It really did hurt for a second, but once the thorn was out it felt so much better. Plus, the way Beelzebub brushed their hands against his feathers almost felt… nice. It had been so long since Gabriel had felt the touch of another living being, as angels were known to never actually touch each other unless it was absolutely necessary. He would never admit it, but the touch-starved angel leaned into the demon’s touch. Just a bit, and not enough to let Beelzebub knew he was doing it. 

A few minutes after the demon started, the first rain began to fall. And both realized that day that they quite liked the rain.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This was originally supposed to be a series, but writer's block combined with school have made that difficult, so take this odd little one shot instead! I might make more of these in the future, so let me know if you would be interested in reading more about these dumb asses (and possibly others in this AU). Also, if you see any mistakes or have any constructive criticism for me, please let me know!


End file.
